Non-coachable traits: Considerations from recruiting to reacting to our loved ones
As most of us renew our vows to refrain from over indulgence on this Monday following the Thanksgiving food binge, others of us continue to gently touch those we love expressing terms of endearment and counting the blessings of being connected to others, I think back to a teaching moment with one of the grands.
It was a lovely traditional holiday weekend – blending of styles and perspectives on every topic that finds its way into Thanksgiving conversations: #Metoo, parenting styles, becoming an adult, and the children imploring for an impromptu sleepover. Memories came back to me as I watched the grands - cousins from ages 5-15 frolic in the woods, beat Grandpa in basketball (including fouls on talking), and many opportunities for differences in style to shine, and cloud - including those feelings of not being understood.
As we were hiking yesterday, I thought back to the number of incidents that my husband and I attempted to turn altercations into teaching moments for a preteen granddaughter. It reminded me of a recent no-hire recommendation to a client, the justifications for that echoing in my mind. This in and of itself IS a teaching moment – When do we invest time into changing a behavior, and what traits are truly – not coach-able?
I tried to share with the this creative, earth loving, nurturing sweetheart that shouting at (especially toward me) and not listening to what someone is saying (aside from being rude) could result in someone not listening to her! This perhaps would lead to others not wanting to share as much time with her. Funny, the very trait she reacts against in others is how she is treating them. I’m sure you can understand my desire to coach her – it’s what I do!!!!
It raises the question - Might a desire to listen to others be a skill that cannot be taught? (Or - is there a readiness, time, age and season that needs to be present to do so?)
To my client – I reasoned that professionalism, common courtesy, and social etiquette might be too long a learning curve, however my go-to and top 3 criteria when sourcing a candidate, and my top 3 traits that you cannot teach, or train are:
Strong Work Ethic
Positive Can-do Attitude
Coach-able
I hear your (some of you that is) rumblings, does that mean we abandon education, inclusion, role modeling, setting expectations? I believe it means we re-set our own expectations, and methodology – learn to accept what is and identify the strengths which are present – speak to, cultivate those, and find the fit in our relationships and environments.
Stop, Drop and Roll is what we teach when touched by fire, lets practice a similar mantra when trying to effect change or raise awareness with our colleagues, employees, or loved ones.
- Stop – and consider the root trait you desire to speak to
- Drop – your assumptions that all traits are coach-able
- Roll – toward evaluating your learning objective and consider alternative paths
Depending on your needs, there are various innate skills or traits in addition to my top 3 for recruiting, for example: https://www.salesforce.com/quotable/articles/sales-skills-cant-be-taught/ speaks to those for a sales professional.
Try this exercise with your leadership team: In 2 minutes have them write down traits that they believe are not coach-able, which are desired for all future employees of the company. This could lead to excellent conversations regarding culture, leadership, hiring, and change management.
#top3desired traits or post your thoughts below.
“I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination. ”