Changing Patterns – Moving from Panic to Peace
The close of Thanksgiving not only initiates Black Friday and Cyber Monday – for Business motivators – it is the time to facilitate guided sessions toward defining and committing to goals for 2018.
Nestled in the mountain top retreat, sunlight filtering in through the trees, now bare of leaves as fall is swirling into winter, receiving warmth from the crackling fireplace, and our latest addition to the inviting and tranquil setting for a day of soul searching and revelations – Calleigh – our rescued Swiss Mountain therapy dog, brings safety and comfort.
As soothing as the environment, when you have partners (business, life, soulmates) searching deep within, and then sharing to come to definition and commit toward change – it allows for challenging emotions to enter the sanctuary. These are intensified vibrations from day-to-day patterns – which does not serve us well.
It has taken me some time, and through the amazing patience and compassion of my husband being able to articulate what he needs, and me finally getting that my needs are different, translated into learning to break the pattern of escalating toward a panic reaction – into respect for differences in working though conflict.
Our pattern:
- He needs to move past it, past that moment in time. If I persist, his ‘walls’ go up.
- I need to talk it through until I am complete – If I don’t, I won’t be clear, clean, and can’t move forward freely.
Does this sound familiar? Reminding each other in the moment of what we need, allows each of us the ability to transform the heightened reaction in the intensity of conflict, and move to peace. Sometimes I need to vent, and don’t want a solution. Sometimes I need to understand that for him to be able to open up, he needs to let the information sit – and come to it again – perhaps the next day. His reducing panic method differs from mine. Imagine how my ‘need to talk about it now’, and his need to pause could escalate had we been delving into life and death – or success and failure defining moments. Understanding and owning how each other needs to be heard – and being clear on what you need out of an interaction, is vital to effective communication, and enhanced quality of life.
At Empower2Achieve, we guide private coaching goal setting sessions. During yesterday’s session, as I was mindful to advocate for each in a business and marital partnership, I recognized and felt their reaction as though it were ours. I stepped back and realized this echo, a ripple in the water of ours and so many others – implores me to impart two food-for- thoughts, aka tips, to make the shift in changing patterns, moving from panic to peace.
- Move from the personal to the professional. Literally becoming a fly on the wall who observes the situation from outside your ownership of it, and objectively evaluate it.
- Behaviorally, break the cycle. If you hear a repeated trend that goes back and forth more than twice, set a physical action to disrupt the thought (ie. pinch your wrist), and park it – like a typical training session, write it on the “Parking Lot” board, and go back to it in a day or so.
Setting the stage for success begins with asking and revealing beyond the surface aspirations and beliefs, and leaves us vulnerable in the process. Changing patterns toward acceptance and peace, guides the journey toward potentially exponential rewards.
“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them. ”