Addiction – Lessons toward Leadership
The Opioid epidemic declaration last month has brought to public light a condition that – if you are bold enough to have open eyes, personally has touched most if not all of you – with-in 2 degrees of separation.
Addiction takes many forms – the most obvious ones: alcohol, drugs, and even that which we cannot live without – food. It is top of mind for me because of the resurgence in my inner circle, of two situations with relapsed behaviors – and a re-purposing of my life's lessons from enabling toward healing which struck me so clearly last night – translating into creating a culture of leaders in the business environment.
Now - how to bridge this gap in 2-3 paragraphs prior to YOU hitting the back button or ESC-aping from reading on.
The biggest life altering – shift the mobile and watch the ripple effect change – and most challenging, is to curb co-dependent urges and actions (and let go of the justifications for why you do them – love, preventing suicide, the list goes on). When you step back and look at cause and effect, “doing” for someone (i.e. because you are protecting them, covering up, denial)– is telling them you don’t trust they are strong / smart/ able enough to do it on their own. This pushes that person to continue their underperforming or addictive pattern. They don’t have to be responsible for their actions (in effect you told them they are unable to and you don’t trust that they can), AND why would they? You are doing it for them so why should they.
Standing clear of current events – I can recall my Dad telling me” Mom can’t handle it – you mustn’t tell her, she will crumble.” Too long a story to tell for this day – however as I broke the pattern and challenged his direction, changed my self-talk and actions, the system shifted. I stopped shielding and protecting her, –and ‘Wala!’ – my Mom healed too. We had the best 10 years prior to her leaving this world. A priceless gift. One avenue on my life’s journey has been paying this forward to support the healing of others – repairing the world one step at a time.
How many times have you – as the leader of a team, company, committee “enabled” your members by over-showing them how to, asked a question but did not listen for the answer because you KNEW how it should be done, or KNEW you could do it better? The addictive culture we live in – in many ways has clouded our very ability to create leaders to collaborate with, instead we “Manage”.
“Very few managers are leaders. The difference between the two? A manager is someone who has people reporting to him. A leader is someone who people will follow, even if they don’t report to him. What separates the two is the trust and respect of his people.” ”
Trust.
Trust is the common thread among thousands of articles written on leadership.
Healing – supporting our family, friends, and colleagues starts from looking with-in at what we are bringing to the table, what is our truth, motivation, and responsibility to others and self, and - trusting others and accepting in them their abilities.
Like a mobile hanging over the hope and joy of creation laying so sweetly in their bassinet, the mobile doesn’t move unless a slight breeze enters, or one-person tugs ever so gently on a string. Then watch how the other parts move in reaction to it. Now imagine the possibility if we make one change - like tugging on one part of the mobile, with-in our family or business. Look how the group dynamics shift when our initial change is toward trusting in others and allowing them to own and be responsible for their actions – supporting an environment toward empowerment rather than codependence.
The choice is yours. Let’s nurture leaders and a culture of empowerment – and let this small shift like the butterfly effect – help heal our world.