Passages of the seasons in life, a day to reflect.
On a day when the prior week’s cool mist, rain and floods leave some raw, let’s invite in the warmth of the soul. Today of all days, as some of us remember where we were when the fragility of life and illusion of homeland security and safety’s door was opened, on this day – I choose to open a window of another kind - an attempt to be whole, complete, and inspire.
My baby turned 30 last Monday. Loving thoughts and wise women reflections filled the spaces in between play, private and productive time in the week leading up to it. I picked up a birthday card for him which started out ‘ever since you were born I worried and wondered about whether I was being the best parent I could.’ I sat with it. And my truth became so clear, and I cried, and I knew, this was another of those defining moments, and I embraced it – and in writ form – shared with him…
You were such an easy baby, child, that as I look back I often think that I allowed my energies to focus elsewhere, where demands were greatest.
I don’t believe I was the best parent I could be
– and that is why I continue to parent now – in a different way – with you, the man before me, who I nursed, and laughed with, and embraced and thanked G-d daily for the blessing you were - bringing me happiness as I was growing into the women I am…
Today, I am lovingly and mindfully concerted to be the best parent I can be. It is never too late – a lesson I share with both you and your brother… consistently.
Last week was a celebration - a grandchild turning 16. His mom requested that we write our favorite 16 for him. Songs, books, movies, etc. As I had been reflecting on your birthday –and mine, I believe that what I wrote for him, was actually the manifestation of what I wish for you and your brother. Most of which I think you know intuitively, and act on.
1. Listen to your heart, trust your ‘gut’, and allow the wisdom of your parents to guide
2. Slow down – when tending to another, a task, or something you ponder
3. Be Genuine – share who you are when it feels right; and always be a gentleman, kind, respectful, and courteous with others when sharing is not in your best interest
4. Know that there is no perfect –
5. Snap a rubber band on your wrist whenever a counterproductive or negative thought rises in you – and break the pattern. (You know what I mean, - like a “I can’t’, ‘I’m not good enough’, ‘They are smarter/ better/ faster/ … than me’.)
6. Books… as they come to me I will share, but for now Failing Forward (in my office on the shelf for when you want it) comes to mind professionally and is a great perspective on the personal side too.
7. and... read my blogs – they take the personal into the professional and are all initiated from challenges, looking at my ‘imperfections’ , things I wrestle with, and realizations - moving toward growth.
8. Always be open to growth
My faves that I would love for you to enjoy or try at different intervals in life…
9. Special times alone with those you love
10. Reach out to family or old friends, when someone whom held a dear place for you has drifted –
11. Painting – oils, sketching, water colors (I have all these if you want to come over and play)
12. Play and have fun, like singing into an imaginary microphone. Smile & laugh – often!!!
13. Dancing without music (with music works too)
14. Yoga, meditation, i.e. walking and ‘being’ with the dogs, nature, your dreams and visions
15. Sitting by the fire reading. Or writing!!!
16. Speak your truth to me, or own that you don’t want to say anything – I will honor your silence.
I believe my children, husband, brothers and dearest friends know my passion and love for them, deeply. Paraphrasing my Mom, a women of few words, ‘make certain to take care of yourself – you won’t be of service or be able to give with a full heart unless you do’. Balancing care for self, and care of others, are fine lines. They are shades of grey worth taking pause to re-examine, time and time again. Asking the difficult questions, and allowing yourself to answer them, even if it brings tears to your eyes – opens being connected, and the ability to do better, change, and make a difference.
We are all works in progress. Bringing my best to my family, friends, and clients, is an aspiration which brings me joy, and allows me to flourish. Re-visiting the lines, thoughts and behaviors takes strength and courage, and can render you vulnerable – at times an integral part in the journey.
What is your 16? Do they mirror what you aspire to for yourself? Are they a gift you would wrap for others as well? Take the time on this day of remembrance, on this day of the Jewish New Year, to open your door, and warm your soul, and be brave enough to ask and look with-in – to feel connected to those you love.
Shana Tova, & Happy Birthday Sammy