What lies at stake?: Memory
Political neutrality is a concept we advise in handbooks, and one I hold dearly in both personal and public realms. In light of the recent Supreme Court Kavanaugh investigation – let’s look at this from a non-political position and speak our truth about memory, and the impact of living in the past.
At a wedding this past Sunday, he touched my cheek with starry eyes, a far away haze of recognition. Thirty years and diverse experiences between us. We met five or six years ago out of our shared love for his daughter. “I know I know you, and care deeply, and I can’t place you.” I held his hand, reassured with my eyes, and shared my life’s secret. The details and recollections are blurred from our veil of understanding the moment they move from the present. “Where, when, my name, doesn’t matter. My Dad too has lost his ability to recall. Know this, trust your heart. If in here (as I placed my hand over his heart) you feel you know and love, then trust that it is so and don’t let trying to recall the details ruin the moment for you.”
Courtesy of CBS Bluebloods
My brothers and I grew up and recall a specific episode, and as we retell – each is different. The same kitchen table, people, topic – but each of us has a different aspect. There is no one true “reality” of something that occurred in the past. There are approximations. Each of us lives a moment – and as time passes, we weave that memory into the story of us. We construct based on facts, accounts, recordings.
Michael (my husband) asks did I believe Kavanaugh was guilty of what he was accused of. It doesn’t matter what I think. Of course someone’s character and actions need to be considered in the wake of power we allow them in the future, but believing you can reconstruct an absolute truth, is absurd. There is no way that either of them can truly deliver an objective account. The impact of addressing the past and being married to it in the present provides much fruit for thought, and debates might prove beneficial to explore, prior to the next historical occurrence which dominates public thought and the media.
This leads me to a fixation on the past, and how it binds us from being present clouding the potential to create, grow, thrive, and be happy. Holding onto the past triggers emotions and anchors which limit the ability to see the possibilities that exist now. It sways emotion. Revisiting the memories, further ingrains the feeling almost to the point that they have a life of their own, not even resembling the reality of what was. A bigger shadow of fiction develops with each revisited memory. Be mindful of the story you weave, and it’s impact. Does it open you and allow you to grow, or prevent movement forward stifling life, breath, and joy?
“The richness and hope of life and the future, lies in the memories we choose. ”