A power partner shared a great question (from Laura Posey of Simple Success Plans), “What is standing between you and a much bigger business?” 

‘It’s a good question for you and me relative to our own business, as well as our clients, and prospects’.

I laughed to myself because my response to her was so rapid.

“Yes, great one.  And for me, the answer helps me determine whether I am willing to take them on as a client. 

In various forms (i.e. What is standing between you and “?”), it is the key question in a strategy session, or SWOT analysis.  It’s such a simple way to reveal if ‘they’ take responsibility for their actions and the direction of the company or, do they put everything outside themselves? “

I was getting my hair trimmed at one of those walk-in places and opted to request this one gal because of her usual silent approach to shaping my hair. Not the case today. Instead it was as though she was possessed with a rambling so much so that there were delays in cutting so that she could use hand gestures to get her point across.  I did not open the dialogue by inquiring as to why (as I typically would), as I was seeking to enjoy silence.  I went into observation mode, placating with occasional “uh-huh” out of politeness.  It was almost a soliloquy like the movie “Wakefield” in which nearly the entire movie is a first-person narrative by Bryan Cranston moving from observing and critiquing others to self-analysis.  She went on and on about her family – and every turn in the story was about their not listening, or their inability to make decisions, or their lack of understanding.  Their, their, their…   One time I responded with a statement that I could see the other side, only to have my opinion fielded as though it was ludicrous.  I knew that it was futile to engage in a conversation.  Her mindset resolved, responsibility ‘outside of herself’.

It brought me back to the rapid reply to Anne’s e mail.  In essence – listening to how stories are told, conclusions drawn, willingness to see opportunity, embrace change, or provide another interpretation, are all Defining Moments.  Not just in evaluating if who you are engaged with takes responsibility for their actions, thoughts, and acceptance, but in your response as well.

How frequently do you recognize that you are making decisions as you listen? Then, how quickly are you willing to ACT on them?  When you don’t, what then becomes the pivot point to shift or change?

I received a call for help encrypted in a txt message and reached out with a phone call.  Torn with emotion at news of changes in circumstances, our reciprocal active listening became her pivot point to shift boundaries and move toward health.  For years, there was an awareness, a wait and see, a drive to turn things around.  Yet not acting kept them frozen in status quo, years neither can get back.  Perhaps years of lost opportunity, gone.  At what cost do we choose to ignore a potentially defining moment?  At what cost, indeed.

Looking inside one’s-self and taking responsibility for situations, action, or inaction – or putting it on someone else, or something else, can be used in professional and personal relationships, as an indicator.  It is the litmus test for growth, and empowerment, and health.  Consider the toxins in your environment, and be open to them as opportunities for healing.