We were blessed to bare witness to the union of our friend’s son getting married this past weekend, amidst the NY City Skyline.  The ceremony on a veranda in Weehawken, winds whisking the white clouds in a magenta and blue sky, started with each parent blending their different colored sand into an ancestral vase, and then the to-be Newley Weds, poured that which was received from their Mom & Dad, into their new family vessel. 

This act – so true of a new formed entity, lays the foundation for acceptance of uniqueness – and appreciation of the dynamics of collaboration – acts not just as a metaphor for marriage – but for teams.

A few months ago, I received an invitation to share a recipe for the bride.  As those who have dined in our home know – if you like it – enjoy it, because you will never taste that again.  As I cook by ideas that please my desire for texture and smell, I took the opportunity to write a recipe for marriage instead.

As we embrace creativity in our teams – so too should we encourage unique interpretation in what and how we ask…  Here – the invitee believed she was asking for a recipe for the kitchen – what she received was a recipe – of a different kind. 

Kudos to her for being open (as great leaders are).  As I walked into the reception room, much to my delight I noticed a beautifully bound book of recipes. Paging through different delicacies, to the left of the last “Bride and Groom’ page was a ‘Recipe for Marriage’.

The blending of sands, Recipe for Marriage, breezes on the Hudson, and welcoming the hope and promise a new union brings, lends itself to how we can best – embrace with an open spirit new dimensions in seeing, listening and acting with our teams.  

Recipe for Marriage

Begin with a vessel (it could be a bowl, a dish, or a being) which is always more than half-filled - with respect, joy, gratitude, wisdom, and the ability to appreciate the other person for who they are, not based on your filters, needs, or interpretation.

You then fold your ingredients in - the core of who you are, your journey that got you to this point, the sweetness that makes you beautiful on the inside, even the bitter herbs that get tasted when things don’t go your way, or you can’t see another path.

Then a sprinkle of all the spices – open each jar to the self, and smell which one resonates best with you as an individual, with your soul mate as an individual, and what the union of trust, endearment of vulnerability, and magnet that selflessness – considering best interests of your partner as a priority brings.  A pinch of this, a wave of that, trust yourself to know when it Is just.

Next bake or simmer to a preserve… all the while knowing that along with love & listening, - always sharing with each other, rather than speaking to anyone else…. Is the most important ingredient of all.

-Lisa M Spradlin